Individual Counseling

As adults, we spend most of each day communicating, and 55% of this communication consists of listening and observing. We listen to gain information, we listen to understand, and we listen for enjoyment. Some people tend to be on the quieter side, talking less and being more observant of details like body language and people’s moods, making one a good active listener. Others, who are more talkative and less aware of details, make only decent listeners, but not good active listeners. However, with practice, both types can become better active listeners. Hearing or listening? The difference between listening and hearing is focus and intentionality. A person may relay information to us and, without trying at all, we will register the facts of the information and little else. This is hearing. We may only be hearing when it comes to instances like a child talking about their day at school, a teacher conducting a dull lesson, or a colleague sharing information you have already heard. We might call this “skim listening” or “scan listening,” meaning that we are simply listening for information and no other details. Active listening is when we pay careful attention to all that is being communicated to us, both verbally and non-verbally. Not only do we take in and understand what is being said, but we discern what remains unsaid, and we respond to, reflect and react appropriately to the communication. This makes the speaker feel valued, seen, heard, and understood. It takes practice and patience to become a good active listener. It begins with being intentional about absorbing as much information from the communication as possible. Working at developing and improving active listening can greatly impact our parenting, our relationships, and even our career. What does being an active listener look like? When we communicate, we [...]