Christian Marriage Counseling: Tips to Protect Your Marriage

Most marriages begin with joyful anticipation of a shared life together. Sadly, though, not all couples live happily ever after. Some honor their commitment and stay together even after the spark is gone and wonder if there isn’t more to life than this. Others choose to get a divorce. They would have benefited from Christian marriage counseling.

This was never God’s intention. He designed marriage to be an intimate relationship between a man and a woman that would multiply their joys, divide their sorrows, and provide a safe, supportive place where they would never feel alone.

Where there is no guidance, a people fails, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. – Proverbs 11:14, ESV

New marriages, like new cars, however, require regular maintenance. There will be bumps and turns along the way, which can quickly send your relationship careening on a downward spiral if not handled promptly and correctly. Seeking the help of a trained Christian marriage counselor is a wise move that can help get you and your spouse back on track again.

Common warning signs of trouble ahead

• Inability to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
• Having the same fight over and over again.
• Constant bickering.
• Unmet expectations.
• Inability to compromise.
• One spouse dominating the relationship, leaving the other spouse’s needs unmet.
• Loss of closeness.
• Unfulfilling sex life.
• Conflicts about money.
• Conflict with in-laws.
• Disagreeing about parenting issues.

How Christian marriage counseling can help restore a troubled marriage

Christian marriage counseling is a faith-based approach that combines Biblical principles with conventional secular therapy. Its goal is to help couples gain a better understanding of the dynamics of their relationship and each other’s perspectives, develop healthy communication skills, and learn how to reconnect and work through their problems together, rather than one spouse casting blame and trying to fix the other.

Counseling provides a safe, supportive environment in which you can express yourselves freely and openly under the guidance of an impartial, faith-based professional. This person is trained to mediate conflict and provide objective feedback, clarity, and direction, as well as a review of God’s principles of marriage.

A good Christian marriage counselor will lead you through the process of addressing and resolving past and present conflicts, resentments, and miscommunications that are causing tension in your marriage. They will use Scripture to help you heal from your wounds, learn to forgive, and form a deeper connection with God and with one another.

Skills taught during Christian marriage counseling

• How to resolve conflicts and get your needs met in a healthy way.
• How to improve your communication skills so you and your spouse can understand each other’s needs more compassionately.
• How to listen to each other in an engaged manner that enables you to process and understand what your spouse is saying.
• How to address attitudes and behaviors that have created wounds and see what part you may have played in creating them
• How to respond to your spouse in a supportive, helpful, caring way.
• How to talk to each other about your issues without angry outbursts or harsh words.
• How to create an atmosphere in which you can express your needs and feelings to one another without feeling attacked or misunderstood.
• How to focus on the strengths in your marriage and the ties that healthily bind you.
• How to integrate Biblical truths and values into your marital relationship.
• How to thrive and find fulfillment together.

Tips to help protect your marriage

Don’t take each other for granted.

Make time to enjoy one another’s company, just as you did when you were courting. God designed marriage to be a secure, supportive, safe place to land with your spouse at the end of the day.

Be careful not to extinguish the flame by getting so caught up in things like career goals, children, household responsibilities, and/or busy schedules, that you take each other for granted and start drifting apart.

Resolve conflicts quickly.

Staying angry and leaving issues unresolved is like letting the devil into your home to wreak havoc. Be respectful of one another. Instead of focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong or right, be determined to do whatever it takes to fully reconcile with one another.

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. – Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV

Remember who the enemy is.

Your spouse is not your enemy. Your joint enemy is Satan, who wants to destroy your marriage. See your spouse as part of your support team. Talk to each other about the challenges you face, and try to find a solution together.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:8, NIV

Respect one another.

Listen attentively to what your spouse has to say. Give him or her your undivided attention. Be considerate of one another and willing to make compromises or agree to disagree.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? . . . first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. – Matthew 7:3,5, NIV

Prioritize your walk with the Lord.

Seek the Lord and pray together. Spend time reading your Bible or having a daily devotional time with each other, and attend church together.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. – John 15:5, NIV

Be open and honest with one another.

Be clear about what you are feeling to avoid misunderstandings. Your spouse is not a mind reader. They cannot know what issues and challenges you are facing unless you speak up. Don’t assume your spouse knows what you are thinking and expect them to act accordingly.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. – Ephesians 4:25, NIV

Be forgiving of one another.

Be kind to each other, and willing to forgive, just as Christ has forgiven you.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. –Ephesians 4:32, ESV

Be gracious to one another.

Marriage requires grace. It may be hard to keep loving at all times when each other’s flaws are uncovered in your relationship. But what may seem impossible in your strength is made possible through the power of God’s Holy Spirit within you. The Bible is full of reminders of God’s grace to us, which if you turn to them, should motivate you to show grace to your spouse rather than be led by your fleshly desires.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13, NIV

Speak words of life to one another.

Speak life-giving, helpful words to one another that are encouraging and affirming. Avoid putting your spouse down or using degrading words toward them. Reaffirm your love and be a comfort to each other.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29, NIV

Develop shared interests and activities.

Developing shared interests and activities can help build common ground and create a stronger bond between you and your spouse. It can also provide you with something positive to focus on together. Doing things together is a way to show honor and hospitality toward your spouse as well as develop common interests.

We ought therefore to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth. – 3 John 1:8, NIV

Christian marriage counseling can help.

If you have questions about this article on Christian marriage counseling or would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors in our online directory, please give us a call today.