Are You Ready to Date Again?

It is not always easy to determine when you are ready to date again, particularly after a breakup or after spending a lot of time by yourself. If you are thinking about dating, consider thinking about some important things first.

Some signs that you are ready are when you have personal passions and hobbies, when you have identified your goals and values, and when you have reflected on previous relationships. If you spend a lot of time talking about or thinking about your ex, or if you use dates as an escape from feeling lonely, you may have more work to do.

According to Victoria Goldenberg, a therapist and member of the media advisory group at the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, reflecting on your personal growth and previous relationships can help you gauge your ability to foster new and healthy connections with other singles. Goldenberg shared this insight with Insider.

Signs that You are Ready to Date Again

Keep an eye out for these signs to determine whether or not you are physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to date again.

You may be ready to date if you are an individual with your own circle of friends and pursuits.

According to Goldenberg, ensuring that you have a distinct sense of who you are will position you for a successful dating experience. This is regardless of how long you’ve been single or how recently you ended a previous romantic commitment.

It is a good indicator that you are prepared to meet someone new if you can name several interests and activities that you pursue to provide yourself pleasure and satisfaction. It’s not healthy for a person to go into a relationship to find happiness. You are the architect of your own joy in life, and the person you are in a relationship with should complement that.

When you’re feeling stressed or upset, you turn to beneficial coping mechanisms.

Even though the passing of time can help heal the wounds left by previous relationships, there is no hard-and-fast rule regarding how soon after a breakup one should begin dating again.

How you heal during the time you spend on your own is a better indication of whether or not you are ready to start dating.

You are probably ready to start dating again if you spent some time after your breakup attending therapy, processing your previous relationship, working on building your self-love, and learning how to care for yourself when you are feeling distressed.

According to Amy Chan, a veteran relationship columnist of 10 years and the creator of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, if you use dating as a way to distract yourself from feelings of loneliness, you may need more time to heal.

Emotions require oxygen to function properly, and the unprocessed pain will inevitably surface at some point in the future. When this happens, we bring our relational baggage into the relationships we have in the future.

You may be ready to date if you don’t compare new people to your ex-partners.

According to Goldenberg, comparing a new romantic interest to a previous partner is another indication that you aren’t ready to start dating yet. However, you don’t necessarily need to feel like you’ve moved on from your previous relationship entirely.

If you can’t help but bring up how awful your previous partner was while you were out on a date, or if you find yourself wishing that your Tinder match would behave in a way that was similar to what your previous partner did, you should probably take a step back.

The one exception to this general rule, according to Goldberg, is for people who are single but have children from previous relationships and feel the need to disclose this information to a potential partner.

You are well aware of how desirable you are.

Breakups have a way of breaking us down to the point where we are unable to pick ourselves back up again. They frequently destroy our sense of self-worth and esteem, leaving us with the impression that we don’t amount to anything. If you feel this way for a little while that is normal and nothing to be concerned about. After some time, however, you should start feeling like yourself again.

It could progress gradually, or it could take place all at once. In any case, you will be reminded of the things that you bring to the table in a romantic partnership. You are quite the catch, and you should keep that in mind.

You can’t wait to go on a date.

The idea of getting back out there and dating so soon after ending a relationship can give most people the willies. It is understandable if you have no desire to get back into the dating scene at this time. It can even feel terrifying. These are indicators that you need to wait.

Things start to take a turn for the better when you discover that you’re looking forward to going on dates. It is exciting to speculate about the possibility of engaging in romantic relationships once more, even if you do not intend to rush out and use every available dating app. In addition, you can never be sure where it will lead you.

You can see where you went wrong.

It’s always the ex who did something wrong, isn’t it? Even though we won’t argue with that, we think that perspective is a little bit one-sided. The problem comes when we never stop believing that we are blameless.

It isn’t always simple to identify where we went wrong in the relationship, but as time passes, it does become somewhat less challenging to do so. You run the risk of repeating that behavior in your subsequent romantic relationship if you never look at your role in what went wrong.

Patterns that keep occurring can eventually lead to issues that you do not want in future relationships. Don’t go into dating completely in the dark. When you are out on dates, you should always keep in mind the things that you did that you’d like to change. Spend some time trying to figure it out or talk to one of our counselors if you need help identifying those areas.

You can evaluate the positive and negative aspects of previous dating relationships.

It’s a good sign that you’re ready for dating when you’re able to inwardly reflect on your previous relationships. According to Chan, you can avoid falling into unhealthy patterns when you meet new people if you can identify the positives and negatives of the previous connections you’ve had and use that information moving forward.

Consider how you have personally fostered the growth of toxic feelings and then move on to the next step. You may have failed to communicate a boundary, which resulted in feelings of resentment. Alternatively, you may have known that a partner was not emotionally available but continued to date them anyway.

Goldenberg advises that before you start dating again, you should make certain that you have a clear understanding of your intentions. When it comes to dating, there is no correct goal. Knowing, however, whether you want to keep things casual and meet lots of new people or if you’re looking for something more committed will help you maintain integrity with both yourself and any dates you go on.

The goal is to be able to feel good about dates with people whose values align with yours while also having the self-confidence to turn down someone who, after learning more about your values, you realize does not match your values.

“Dating is a process that educates you on who you are, what you want, and most importantly, what you do not want in a partner. Make use of your past experiences so that you can design your future more effectively.” (Chan)

Conclusion

Working with a therapist, who can assist you in better understanding your values and requirements, is something that Goldenberg recommends doing if you are unsure of what it is that you want. You can get in touch with our offices and speak to a therapist who can help.