Getting Over an Affair: Can Your Marriage Survive It?

Infidelity can cause gut-wrenching heartache and deep emotional pain that has a lasting impact. If you were the betrayed spouse, you may wonder if getting over an affair is even possible. The answer is yes. No matter how deep your hurt, there is still hope. God heals broken hearts and can restore what has been lost.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. – Maria Robinson

If your partner is genuinely repentant for his or her behavior, and you are both willing and committed to do whatever it takes to repair the damage, your relationship can be healed and rebuilt. With faith, patience, dedication, and God’s help, trust can be restored and your connection strengthened. Your marriage can not only survive but emerge stronger than before.

Necessary stages in getting over an affair and healing your marriage

Atonement.

The first step is an apology without excuses. The unfaithful partner needs to sincerely regret what he or she has done and want to make things right.

Grief.

Give yourselves time to grieve. Healing involves mourning and new growth. You need to grieve the loss of the vision you had for your shared future and leave the affair behind. These are necessary before you can start building a new vision and become new partners for each other.

Insight.

Repairing a marriage requires an honest, non-blameful examination and mutual exchange of the state of your relationship before the affair. The unfaithful partner needs to be upfront about why it happened. Not to try and justify it, but rather to provide insight. Look at what may not have been working in the marriage that ultimately led to an open door for someone else to walk into. Also, share the wants and needs you will each have in a newly repaired relationship.

According to relationship expert, Jen Elmquist, once you have this insight, you need to use it to bring about obtainable change. You do this by burying your old relationship and starting a brand new one. In this, you need to put the same intensity of learning about each other and caring for each other as you did when you first met each other.

Willingness to forgive.

Making a conscious decision to forgive your partner’s infidelity is key to mending your relationship. This does not mean condoning it, but rather choosing to move on and allowing your spouse to do the same.

Don’t use your spouse’s infidelity as ammunition.

Holding on to negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, and resentment is toxic to your well-being. Continually bringing up your partner’s infidelity will only keep your pain raw and alive. This prevents healing from taking place.

Vision for the future.

Hold on to the big picture of your lives and future goals together, the things in your relationship that are worth fighting for, and the dreams you don’t want to give up on because of the affair. Let go of the parts that weren’t working. Be clear about what your new monogamy will look like going forward.

Counseling.

Flower Mound Christian Counseling in Texas provides a safe, supportive environment where you can talk things through and be guided through the healing process by an unbiased, objective mental health professional.

If you would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Flower Mound Christian Counseling in Texas, please give us a call.